


But I Hate You

by Ian_the_Existential_Crisis



Series: Serendipity [2]
Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Fluff, Renee and Taejoon are bestfriends, When i say hinted cryptagetane i mean the ot3 is there, even im not satified with this, idk - Freeform, im sorry its bad, internal misunderstanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:48:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27279004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ian_the_Existential_Crisis/pseuds/Ian_the_Existential_Crisis
Summary: Renee always stuck out to Natalie. She didn't have to try, but she was smart anyway."What does the word genius mean to you, Nat?"
Relationships: DarkSparks - Relationship, Wattson | Natalie Paquette/Wraith | Renee Blasey
Series: Serendipity [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993042
Comments: 12
Kudos: 48





	But I Hate You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DontFuckingNTRMe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontFuckingNTRMe/gifts).



> I'm so sorry this is so bad. I promised darksparks and I needed something to get me away from the new oneshot I'm writing. I'm sorry.
> 
> Edit: due to popular demand this is now a series.

  
  


Renee yawned, stretching her arm above her head in a futile attempt to try to rouse herself from the dark veil of sleep that threatened to overtake her. Her blurry light blue eyes blinked a few times, but each flutter of her eyes became more drawn out in time, till they were barely opening at all. 

And Natalie hated every beautiful second of watching the dark haired girl. 

Renee didn't have to try. At anything. She was naturally stunning, even if she wore her ebony hair up in a sloppy bun, letting the flyaway hairs do as they please. She didn't need makeup to glow, either. In fact, not that Natalie had noticed, but Renee hardly ever wore anything remotely feminine. She stuck to whatever jeans seemed to be clean and a ratty old purple jacket. And she still made them look good in her. 

She also didn't even try to study. She slept through most classes, only really taking an interest in science. She also skipped out on visiting the library in favor of sleeping on the roof with her two best friends like a lazy cat. 

And that infuriated Natalie. 

Sure Natalie had been called a prodigy, a genius, a gifted child. But she still worked hard. It didn't matter if she skipped a grade here or there. That didn't matter one bit because she still worked hard. She still had some fight in her, a drive to do even better. 

So seeing someone as lazy, as unambitious as Renee really got to her. If the older woman would apply herself, if she would try, she would probably be one of the top students in their school. Instead she settled for an easy B- average so she could what? Sleep on the roof sharing her two friends make heart eyes at one another. Third-wheeling for them on their dates. 

Natalie frowned, watching her breathe deeply into the arm of her jacket. Her eyes blinking shut finally. It had actually taken a while this time. Usually Renee was out like a light. 

…

"I hate you." 

Those had been her first actual words to Renee. 

She didn't realize until after they left her pouting lips that she had never actually spoken to Renee before. She had heard her talk, Renee was by no means quiet. And she had handed her papers before, and collected them when the teacher called for it, but she had never actually, one on one spoken to her before. 

Though this was hardly one on one, what with Taejoon, Octavio, and Elliott all chatting around her. Natalie wasn't sure why the two other prodigies thought to waste their time on her. 

Thought, from what she had heard of Elliott Witt, the curly brown haired teen wasn't always the brightest. He had a need to stand out, and that brought about jokes and other trivial things that made him seem like more of an idiot that he actually was. His lust to be included with his peers betrayed his intelligence and brought him down to their level. 

Taejoon, on the other hand, Natalie absolutely couldn't fathom in Renee's misfit group of friends. He was calm and collected. He didn't fit in with the other students in his grade, which if Natalie remembered right he was a year ahead of her, in the same classes as the dark skinned clown next to him. But unlike Elliott, he had no need or want to fit in. He knew he was smart, superior to the others, and he used his brain accordingly. Natalie thought he was like her in that regard. As long as he had knowledge everything else could be left behind. 

And Octavio… Natalie didn't know what to make of him. She was sure he was an idiot. But his test results showed differently. Her first thought, upon meeting him, was that he must have cheated. He fooled those around him into thinking he was smart then probably took his chance, copying the answers of his childhood friend Ajay. But even when he and Ajay were separated he still managed to be test smart. Perhaps he was just an idiot. Someone more Elliott Witt's level. 

"Excuse me?" Renee looked at her quizzically. Her eyebrow arches as she turned away from the boys and their silly bickering- what were they even talking about? It sounded like a video game of sorts- Her arms crossed over her chest. 

"I said I hate you." Natalie repeated. 

"Any particular reason?"

"You are smart, but you choose to be dumb. I can't understand why you don't even bother to try."

Natalie stood there for a moment in the hallway looking at her. She waited, as if hoping Renee would understand. 

Instead the raven haired girl just leaned back against the window, her legs thumping against the half wall where she had decided it was fine to sit, even though it didn't come out enough for her to fit her whole butt onto. 

"I suppose for someone like you, I'm probably deplorable. That's fine. I accept your feelings. Please continue to hate me as much as you need." 

In a way it was relieving. Natalie had been able to say how she felt. She didn't have to keep it inside. All those ugly feelings she had. And the older girl had been as kind as to accept her hatred. If only Renee could try every once in a while, maybe they could have been friends. 

…

"You placed second best on the test." Natalie stated. It was, indeed, a fact. Renee came in second, like usual, it was nothing unheard of. But being able to talk to her, to point it out made Natalie feel something. She wasn't sure of the feeling.

"I didn't study." Renee related to her, leaving back in her chair, blue eyes on the ceiling. 

"I placed first."

"Right where you belong."

It was strange having her acknowledge it. Natalie always placed first, and Renee was always right behind her. But knowing that the black haired woman knew that was her place was weird.

"You could have placed first."

"There's no point in trying." Renee sighed. "I'm fine with the way things are."

Natalie frowned at her blasé answer. A small piece of her, though she tried to minimize it, and force it away, wished so deeply and dearly that talking to Renee would awaken a competitive streak. She wished that having Renee admit that Natalie's spot was at the top would snap her out of whatever fairy tale world she was living in, where there's no need to try for anything and life is nothing but disappointing. 

"I still hate you." 

Natalie glanced at her just in time to see the smallest smiled work it's way to Renee's lips. "I accept your feelings." 

….

Natalie wasn't one for eating with others. She didn't really have friends her age, since most of the people in her grade were two or more years older than her. So when Renee invited her to the roof for lunch she sputtered a little, sharply looking up from her notebook. 

"I think that if I am supposed to accept that you hate me, maybe you should get to know me and my friends."

That had been Renee's excuse. One that Natalie couldn't refuse. Renee had been so kind as to honor her hatred, to let her voice her opinion. It was the least she could do. She could know this woman as more that just what her eyes showed her when she happened to glance over. 

"I'm about to unfriend you again." Taejoon frowned, holding the switch closer to his face than he probably should. Natalie chalked it up to him forgetting his contacts at home, which was a normal for him. She only knew because she had seen him with his glasses before, roaming the neighborhood, because he lived nearby.

Octavio chuckled at the response. It must have had something to do with the game that they were playing. "You'll just come back for more, mi amor."

Renee chuckled at them. She leaned back, her spine pressed against the metal bars of the school roof. "Don't mind them, they always bicker." 

"I merely don't understand the point. In this time, instead of playing a game, they could both be studying."

"I've tried a study group with them. It's even worse when Elliott's here. Tae gets way too distracted to focus because Elliott and Octavio just create the most ridiculous shenanigans."

"But Taejoon is a genius." Natalie echoed the word that she clung her life to. He was a genius, and he was more like her than Elliott. How could he allow himself to be distracted by others when there were things to learn?

"What does the word genius mean to you? Not everyone with a high IQ is a tryhard like you." Renee said, her blue gaze focused solely on Natalie. She felt like this was the first time in all their times of speaking, which had been a lot more recently, that Renee's beautiful gaze was finally focused only on her. Like she was the only being that mattered. 

Natalie still didn't have a name for the feeling it gave her. She settled on hatred. 

"A person who is exceptional-"

"That's the definition of genius. But what does that mean. To people like Elliott who is very intelligent regardless of what others think, that word means so little because he just wants friends and to be normal."

"But…" Natalie paused. She hasn't thought that it could mean something other than how she thought and acted. 

"Taejoonie." Renee cooed at him, drawing Natalie's attention to the two boys still playing on their switches. Something was strange about the way they sat so close together, but Natalie couldn't place it. But looking over she felt like she was intruding on something. That she should leave them alone to their own little world. 

"Call me that again and I'll kill you." The beige skinned boy didn't look up from his game. 

"What does genius mean to you?"

"It's just a word." He replied coolly. 

Octavio nudged him. "It's like being super smart without trying right?"

"It's not like I don't have to try, Tav. It's just sometimes things just click and I understand, but I still have to try. I still have to learn. Don't be an idiot." 

"So Nat, what does it mean to you?"

….

"If we're in different classes next year, will you try harder?" Natalie asked. This time it was just her and Renee. Elliott was cramming for a test, because he actually did study to keep his grades up. Taejoon either skipped school or he was actually sick. It was hard to tell because he came and went as he pleased, almost like a friendly neighborhood cat. And Octavio got detention for pulling a prank or something. His stunt was well thought out, but the execution went poorly, mostly because he had pulled one too many pranks on Mrs. Williams. 

"Probably not."

"Then I'll continue to hate you into next year's as well."

"That's fine." Renee said. She looked so lonely when her eyes were closed and her head tilted up to the sky. Natalie could feel something fluttering deep within her. That feeling that she always called hate. 

Sometimes she wondered if that's what it was. She thought that maybe, just maybe, words could mean different things to people than just the definition in the dictionary after meeting, truly meeting, Renee and her friends. 

"I hate you." Natalie licked her lips after the words escaped. Was it really hate? This was the same feeling that she felt when she watched Renee fall asleep in their classes all those months ago before they started to talk. But it somehow felt different too.

"I know." There was a small pause. Renee opened her eyes, giving Natalie a small smile. "Thank you, I accept your feelings."

_ But if I could stay next to you for the rest of my life, that might be the only thing I ever needed. _

If only Natalie could say that instead of those three words she couldn't escape. The only good thing about it was Renee already understood. Every 'I hate you' was an 'I love you' in disguise. 

Natalie would learn that in time. Maybe when she was a little older. 

I

Accept

Your 

Feelings

Natalie

  
  
  



End file.
